Thursday, June 27, 2013

Going home.

We were unsure if we would be leaving the hospital as a family. As much as I was terrified to leave with our little preemie daughter, I was more terrified to leave without her. The staff told me that I could stay in my room as more of a temporary hotel for a few days. I would not get patient care or food but I could stay there to be close to Eva. I seriously thought about it but thank God they sent her home.

After a small set back on feeding, they started feeding her again and she was keeping it down. I made sure every three hours I was there for the feedings. She was moved to the other side of the NICU on day two and was given "room air" through her nasal cannula. They weaned her off of that by that evening. I was very pleased. She was a little trooper like her mom. When they peeled the adhesive off her cheeks that was keeping the nasal cannula in her nose it left red marks. I of course was not too happy with that.


We had many visitors every day and I welcomed them. I loved having people come in and see my little miracle. I also loved that I had someone to talk to. Our friend Sarah took some amazing pictures of her while she was in the NICU.



On the third day we were talking to the nurses about our options of going home. I was doing really well and I knew that they would release me. We were unsure of their plan with Eva. Our nurse said she would put in a good word with the doctor when he made his rounds. The doctor came while we were still visiting and he checked her over and talked with the nurse. He was letting her come home with us! Amazing. So the nurse told us to go get our car seat because they had to do a test to see if she could handle the ride home. We set her up in the car seat and had to wait an hour and a half. We went to the cafeteria to grab some lunch. When we got back we were ready to go.

The nurses took some pictures of us "going home." My mother in law made a really cute blossom blanket so we put Eva in that for our picture. The nurses went crazy over that blanket.


When we found our way to the car we did a little rearranging so I could sit in the back with Eva. She was so small that the extra padding didn't really help her. The whole car ride home I was nervous because she was so small. I told myself I would limit my driving with her until she put some weight on. The thought of getting into an accident with her terrified me. I just wanted her to be safe and at home. We would finally have our family of four together.


Eva Bianca's birth story.

I woke up a few times that night very uncomfortable. I tried to get in many different positions trying to alleviate the pain I was feeling. I assumed I had just overdone it. I was only 35 weeks..Well around 2:30am I started to realize that my pain was coming in waves. About 12 minutes apart. I pulled up my contraction counter on my phone. They were getting closer and more painful. I didnt want to wake Ryan up because he had to get up early anyways for work. He had a meeting that day and would be getting up at 5am. So I went on to my online Mommy group and posted about it. I was in horrible pain around 4am and decided to stand in our bathroom. The contractions were very familiar. I had horrible back labor with Olivia and this was the same feeling. Horrible pain radiating from my back. I heard Ryan's alarm go off and was relieved. I texted him to tell him I was having contractions and that he needed to call his mom and that I was going to call labor and delivery. He called his mom and told her it sounded like I was going to have the baby right now.

For some reason the whole time I was thinking this was false labor or I would go to labor and delivery and things would slow down and I would go home. I called labor and delivery and they said to come now. Contractions were 4 minutes apart. I jumped in the shower to try and relieve some of my pain. It definitely was not helping. At this point we didn't know if Eva was head down or still breech. 

My mother in law arrived and I was trying to get myself together. We didn't pack a hospital bag, her crib was still in the box, we didn't pick out a coming home outfit,we didnt write thank you cards for the baby shower gifts, we thought we had two more weeks! I was trying to get my shoes on while having contractions on the couch. Every contraction that hit me, hit like a ton of bricks. My ass lifted off the couch with each one. My mother in law tied my shoes for me because I just couldn't do it. When we left the house I couldn't help but feel guilty. We were so not prepared, I didnt get to kiss Olivia before we left or have a sweet cuddle moment because she was asleep, and I just kept thinking that Olivia's world was going to be rocked. She was going to wake up with Ryan and I gone and she wasnt going to see me. She was going to be a big sister. Our family was going to grow.

On the way there Ryan was an amazing coach. Reminding me to breathe through each contraction. At this point they were two minutes apart and getting faster. It felt like I didn't have a break from them. I could barely think straight and remembered I needed to call my family. I also text a handful of close friends. At this point I knew we were going to have a baby. I kept praying that Eva was safe and that she was head down. I was thinking it would be so amazing if I got into the triage and they just had to deliver her right then and there. I couldn't imagine being in this pain for any longer. 

We arrived at the hospital and we had to park further than I would have liked. We couldn't find a wheel chair until we were in the hospital. Ryan basically ran me to labor and delivery. Of course the receptionist was all calm and SLOW with everything. She thought it was the perfect time to finish her conversation with her coworker.. She wanted to ask me ridiculous questions that I could barely answer. Ryan had to answer them for me because I could barely catch my breath. I went into triage and they wanted a pee sample.. Seriously? After about three nurses asked me more ridiculous questions they did a quick ultrasound to see if Eva was head down. NOPE. Oh well. Hook me up to some pain meds IMMEDIATELY!! They had to check the medications I was on. The nurse pulled up a list and started reading them off. I told her to "Just STOP" and I rattled off the few that I was actually taking. I was dilated to a three at that point and having intense contractions, one on top of the other. They basically explained that since Eva's head wasn't down that there was nothing to dilate me further.. Yea I knew that. Both my kids don't like to fallow direction. They get super comfortable in the frank breech position.

While waiting for the operating room to be set up I asked the nurse a few times "how much longer?" When the nurse was setting up my IV I felt a prick and I ripped my hand away. It definitly startled her and I told her NO lidocaine? She seemed surprised. I said I have had enough lidocaine in my life.. that I can handle the pain from the IV. I mean really.. the sting from the lidocaine is way more than the actual IV. She attempted to get the vein and missed.. AWESOME! I started crying. I couldn't hold back any longer. I was in so much pain from the contractions and I felt like this whole process was taking forever. I was upset about not kissing Olivia goodbye and I was upset about having a premature baby. I lost it. The anesthesiologist came in right when the nurse was going to attempt again and I said could he please do my IV? He did.. easy peasey. First try. I dont know why they even bother having the triage nurses set IV's. With Olivia they poked my 6 times, moved the needle around, and I had to have the anesthesiologist do it then too. 

When the IV was placed I immediately asked for something to ease the pain. I snapped at Ryan because he was blowing on me.. He said I sounded like satan. They gave me a dose of fentanyl. It helped a little.  By the time Ryan was suited up and they were having me walk to the operating from I was having to stop with each contraction. I sat on the table and leaned over hugging a pillow. It was harder to stay still this time but I did it. Once the spinal was done I laid back and felt the pain slowly go away. I felt about three more contraction and then I was numb. Aww thank you God! Ryan came in the room and I was relieved. We were going to have our baby. I was finally able to collect my thoughts. I apologized to the delivery team for anything I said while I was under the influence of contractions. HAHA! 

My nurse asked me if there was anything I needed and I asked her if I could have a hand freed from the table to touch my baby. She did that for me. Then with some pressure and a lot of jiggling I heard the gurgling cry from Eva. Eva Bianca Pace was born at 9:22am on March 16, 2013. She weighed 5 pounds 11 ounces. She was 18.75 inches long. Ryan went over to the warming table and took pictures. The nurse wrapped her up and Ryan brought her to me. I touched her hair and face. She was so tiny and soft. She had a decent amount of vernix on her skin from coming early. They were taking her to the NICU so Ryan kissed me and went with her. 

I was having some unexpected bleeding so it took a little longer to sew me up. I smelled some cauterizing tools they were using. Pretty gross. I could hear the staples going in and then I was all finished. I was so excited to get to Ryan and the baby. They took me into this post op room. I was doing fine and talking to all the nurses. I had a little bit of shakes but I was stable. I kept watching the clock because it seemed like forever that they were keeping me in this room.. away from my baby. The nurse said I had to be stable for an hour. I was in there for well over an hour. I ended up dozing off because I was alone in there waiting for a doctor to ok me to leave. I didn't have my phone but I knew all my family was there waiting. I didnt have a way to contact them or Ryan.

They finally released me from that room around NOON and wheeled me into the NICU. Ryan was there and our awesome nurse. He said he didnt let anyone come see her yet because he wanted me to be able to hold her and see her first. It meant so much to me to be able to have that special time. I wanted to hold her before I let everyone come in to see her. There was barely any service in the hospital and my phone had died. Our familes were thinking something bad was happening. When they asked the nurse, she said I was still in the operating room. I was really in the post operating room just waiting. The nurse explained that she was having a little bit of a hard time keeping her oxygen up so she would be put on a nasal cannula. Eva also had a heart monitor and and IV placed. They took her blood to get her white blood cell count. She was also on 24 hour antibiotics as a precaution until they got her blood counts back. We were both only ten days out from my last chemo treatment. The original plan was to have a 3 week break after my last chemo to give us both time to build up our blood counts.




After our visit they wheeled me to my room. I checked the clock and it was 1:30. I had the penthouse suite of the hospital. It was a double room but they were keeping that bed empty for me so my guest could sleep there. We also had a decent size tv and they kept the room across the hall vacant to reduce noise for me. I was definitely getting special treatment. While I got settled in we had our family come back in small groups. Ryan was able to escort one person to the NICU to see Eva so over the next few hours everyone was able to see her. I had the same nurse as I did with Olivia. Her name was Brenda. I couldn't believe I had the same nurse.. so I had to bring up a picture from my hospital stay with Olivia. Sure as shit it was her. I asked her for some food. I was starving. She brought me a bunch of jello. 

Once most of the visitors went home I was telling Ryan that I felt like I needed to get to the NICU. That I didn't feel like she should be in there by herself. It had been hours since I had seen her. That night my in laws brought Olivia to visit me. I was so happy to see her. She seemed instantly like a big kid. Just the day before she was my little baby and today she was a big huge toddler. My Mom and in laws worked out who would watch Olivia for the night and Ryan stayed with me in the hospital. 



Recovery from this C section was amazingly faster and less painful. I requested to get up, get my catheter out, walk, eat, shower.. I wanted to get to see Eva. She was my motivation. I hurt way less this time as well. They put me on an IV drug that was equivalent to a strong tylenol. This drug was much better for me because the stronger pain meds always made me nauseous. Every nurse that came in was so surprised at how well I was getting around and how good I was feeling. I have to say that having the knowledge of what to expect and the support and prayers of friends and family helped me tremendously. 

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Eighth treatment/Chemo break.

I had my eighth treatment March 6. Most of the nurses came by to wish me luck with the baby. They knew this was my last chemo before my break for delivery. I was finally going to be able to focus on being pregnant without distraction from chemo and CANCER.



After I started feeling better I decided I should probably start seeing a chiropractor to give Eva a better chance of moving out of the breech position. I had never been to a chiropractor before and I found out that I have pretty bad posture. I carry about 14 pounds more on one side as well. He aligned me as much as he could with me being pregnant and he also performed the Webster technique. Basically he finds your round ligament, presses, and holds it for about a minute. It is supposed to help loosen the ligaments holding your womb and let the baby have more room to turn. 

Friday March 15th I woke up and had a ton of things I wanted to do. I dropped off Olivia, went to my non stress test, ate panera (YUM), went to the chiropractor for my second visit, went to the salon to visit and get a light hair cut, and did a huge grocery shopping. I unloaded all the groceries and picked up Olivia. I put away some last minute baby things at home and did a few loads of laundry. That night I made dinner and afterwards I was super tired and achy. I laid on the couch for a bit and felt uncomfortable.. I like to tell people I had ONE day of nesting..