February 27, 2013 New haircut.

The day was a normal day. I put Olivia down for her nap and decided I should shower. I washed my hair for the first time in 4 days and it felt nice to be clean. I have gotten into the habit of using all the hot water and just letting it run over my head. Its cleanses me emotionally and literally.I stepped out of the shower and looked at myself in the mirror. I almost looked through myself. Man I was getting big and my hair was getting very thin. I took some pictures of the top and back of my head to see how thin it was actually getting. I did it like this because I didnt have a hand mirror to see. As I walked out of my bathroom to get dressed I looked at the pictures and broke down crying. It was SO much worse than I thought. I guess I was in some sort of denial. I knew it was starting to look very thin coming out of a hat and I wasnt very happy with that. Here are the pictures:

 

After I collected myself and decided that today was the day I text Ryan to tell him. At first he thought I already did it and he was sad I didn't wait for him. I knew he wanted to be there for it and really.. I needed him there for support. My experience would have been very different if I had done it crying alone. I made it clear to him that I was waiting for him. We decided we would have Wah Shine for dinner. My favorite local chinese food. Mmm. The food arrived right before Ryan got home from work. I decided I would eat my fortune cookie before I sat down with my won ton soup. I had to laugh at what my fortune said.. It was seriously perfect.

Ryan's parents came by to pick up some boxes and stayed to visit for awhile. We didn't want to be rude and rush them out but I was starting to get anxious. When they left it was game on! We set up a bar stool in our front bathroom and started. Ryan was actually really excited. This is a once in a lifetime event.. He took the first pass and then I took the second and third. He finished the cut and cleaned up my neck line. Of course we played around with it and we left the front long in the "Chelsey" hairstyle. The last to go was my side bang. Once that was gone it was real. We were smiling and laughing through the whole thing. It was exactly what I needed. Olivia was watching the whole time too. I was so afraid she would be afraid of me or not recognize me after but she was just perfect. She was calling me "Mom" "Mama" and "Mommy" all through out the haircut and after. It was a relief. 

I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell people right away but then I decided I needed to. I posted pictures to face book and had an overwhelming positive response. I was relieved. I shared with everyone my crazy coincidental fortune as well. Its funny because I never thought me and my (full) older brother looked alike until I saw myself with a shaved head. 

I am lucky and thankful to have nice normal ears and a good shaped head. I was hoping to achieve more fullness by shaving it with a 6 guard but really it just shows how thin my hair actually is. Its a bit patchy but I have come to terms with it. It has been a relief to have it shaved. Everyone who has been through it who I talked to said it would be but its not something you can understand or feel until you have done it. I was not going to have another emotional breakdown over my hair.. I was going to take control.