Coming Out.

Before I move on to my next treatments, I want to talk a little bit about announcing to everyone that I had cancer. I had already mentioned on Facebook and to some clients that I was having a biopsy performed.  They knew when I was having the procedure, and they knew that it would take about ten days to receive the results.  I felt some pressure to let everyone know my results immediately after being so open about the biopsy, but I wanted to have as much information as possible before I told the world I had cancer.  I wanted to know the stage and our plan for the baby growing inside of me.

In the meantime, it was nice that my family and close friends knew about everything.   I could talk to them and vent when I needed.  They started helping out with Olivia and bringing meals over. I also had my Mom Group that I had mentioned before.  They all knew what was going on basically as soon as I did.  They were all very supportive, and the out pour of love and support from them was just amazing. They started sending me encouraging cards and gifts. I am very thankful for them.

After the craziness of staging, I was finally ready to come out.  Saying the words "I have cancer" was getting a little easier now. It still felt weird, but I could say it without breaking down.  This also happened to be the same time we found out the gender of our baby.  I wanted that announcement to come first.  I didn’t think it was fair to overshadow something as significant as announcing our baby’s gender, a happy and exciting moment, with the fact that I had cancer. The day after we found out it was a girl growing inside of me, we posted our gender reveal photo of Olivia holding a pink balloon, telling everyone she was going to have a baby sister. 

I waited one more day, and then I posted this:
 
So for the past month, we have been dealing with a very scary thing. I had some swollen lymph nodes in my neck and they started growing. My OB strongly suggested I make an appointment to get it looked at (for the second time) so I did. We made a same day appointment with a different dr. From there I was sent to a head and neck dr. Had 8 needle biopsies and then a surgical biopsy. What felt like forever later I got the call on Election Day that I had Hodgkin's lymphoma. Cancer!? But I'm pregnant! From there I was sent to oncology and staging begun. I have stage 3b hodgkins lymphoma. We also had to make the decision whether to go forward with the pregnancy. It was something we got many opinions on and researched a ton! I am going to go forward with chemo therapy ASAP. I had my port placed yesterday. They have to do one more test on Tuesday and I will be set to start treatment. All my drs have been very helpful and supportive. Friends and family have really rallied together around us and its definitely made things easier on us. I'm happy that staging and my "painful" appointments are over and I will be starting to kick this cancer out of me! I'm very confident that I can beat this all while still growing a healthy baby. If you have more questions you can personal message me. I also am taking an extended medical leave while I get through treatment so please call the salon if you would like to make an appointment. They will take care of you. As for now please keep me and my unborn baby girl in your thoughts and prayers.

So many people commented on how strong I was, and that I was going to kick cancer's ass. It was such a great thing for me to read. Sometimes I find myself going back to the post just to read those comments over again. I wanted to tell everyone of all the awful and scary things I had to go through, but I wanted to keep it positive.

One good thing I have noticed throughout this journey was a change in my attitude.  I was becoming more of a positive person through such a horrible situation.  I grew closer to my husband, family, God, and friends.  It was always difficult for me to pray before, but praying seemed to come a lot easier now. Basically, if I was thinking, I was praying.  I learned you don’t have to be on your knees with your eyes closed to be praying.  I learned you don’t even need to pray out loud or say “amen”.  I think it was these formalities that always made praying feel awkward for me when I was younger. But you just need to talk directly to God.  Now, I talk to Him like I talk to everyone else.

Another thing I hadn’t considered was that my cancer would come up at random times in front of random people.  Sometimes, it is just easier to tell a stranger you have cancer than trying to come up with a phony excuse.  I went into Raleys to pick up my turkey for Thanksgiving and ran into my friend Lori, and she asked how I was feeling.  A woman ordering shrimp from the butcher counter overheard us talking.  She chimed in and started telling me about her battle with cancer, and then she asked if she could pray for me. My eyes started to tear up, and I told her yes. I didn’t expect her to drop her bag of shrimp and start praying right then and there…but she did, and Lori joined her.  It was a very interesting experience. I didn’t care who was looking at me or what they thought was going on. I openly accepted the support and love that this stranger and my friend had for me. In a strange way, cancer has connected me to so many "strangers." I feel like anyone who is going through this is very easy to relate to. We are all friends…without even knowing each other.