Staging.

Staging was a whirlwind. I had the full body MRI. It was a little different this time. It was inside and I had to hold my breath a bunch of times. One of my symptoms I had from the cancer was this annoying cough. The cough had started when I started taking my iron pills for anemia. I had asked the girls in my mom group if taking iron pills ever made them cough.. I'm sure they thought I was nuts. Through all of this I confided in that group a lot. They are all very supportive and I was glad to have that outlet to vent to. Anyways.. I would have to try and hold my breath and not cough. It was very difficult for me. I felt like I couldn't get a full drag of air in.

I went in for my bone marrow test. My Mom went with me because Ryan had to work. I was thinking she would be able to be in the room with me.. wasnt the case. Dr. L brought me to this back room and had me lay down. My heart was pounding so much. I was SO nervous and really had no idea what I was getting myself into. I saw there set up and really got freaked out. I shouldnt have looked. He explained that he would be going into the bone from my back hip. That he can only numb the tissue around the bone but not the bone itself. I asked if the inside of bone has feelings and he said yes. Awesome. He then went on to tell me that he will numb me up really good using LIDOCAINE.. F***!! More horrible stings. I told him I might curse his head off. He said that was fine.. in the most doctor tone. He gave me a bunch of shots. He went deeper with each one and would inject, then deeper and deeper. It hurt a ton.. It was worse than being awake during my surgical biopsy.. way way worse. When he started the actual biopsy he explained that he would go in and suck some marrow out. It would most likely shoot a pain down my butt and leg and that he would also need to get a biopsy of bone. He had to enter my bone twice with two different needles. The first one hit my bone and he started pushing super hard and twisting it into the bone. I felt it enter the bone and then he prepared me for the sucking part. It was pretty painful. I saw him pass the big needle over me to the nurse. They actually take a good amount. The nurse was holding my shoulder and holding an ice pack on my neck to keep me comfortable. I was so hot from dealing with this procedure. Then the second needle screwed in and came out. It almost felt like a cork was pushed into a wine bottle feeling.. I just did long deep breaths as if I was in labor. I never cursed once. Dr. L said he was very impressed and the nurse kept telling me how strong I was. When it was done they offered me juice and cookies and sat me up very slowly. They brought my mom in. I was so happy to see her. She said it took about 40 minutes from the time she left me. It seemed like forever. I didnt know until later that when they do this procedure on most patients they will give them some form of sedation.. Dr.L said it could take awhile to find out if the marrow was positive or negative. That they will do a ton of different tests on the marrow because it tells them a lot.

I had my echo the next day and was really sore from the bone marrow extraction. They told me to lay on my side and I was like um.. which one? There was no way I could lay on my right side. Fortunately for me I needed to lay on my left. I had to wear one of those open paper tops. There was one tech and one student. The tech did her thing and then asked if her student could do some. I didnt care but he basically did the whole thing over. My boob and ribs were a little sore after that. Oh well.. good learning experience for the student.

Once all the test results were back it was determined that I was a stage 3B. The B just means that I was showing symptoms of the disease. Swollen lymph nodes in my neck, cough, anemia.. The day we were told that it wasnt in my marrow was so amazing!! I needed to hear that so badly. I was feeling like every call I was getting was more bad news. My ONC also told me that the MRI showed that my spleen was inflamed and that I have masses around my liver and spine. He also said the reason I was coughing so much was because I had a big mass in my chest right off of my trachea. Wow. So much to take in. I asked if chemo would take care of all of those things and he said yes it should.

Through out this whole thing I was also being seen by my perinatologist. He rushed the genetic testing to see if the baby had any diseases. Honesty if the baby had a genetic disease it wouldnt have mattered to me. If the baby had a life threatening disease and would not be able to fight through treatment with me.. it would have mattered. Of course through all this termination of my pregnancy was brought up multiple times. I couldnt stomach the thought of "terminating" my perfect baby just so i had a better chance to live. We would get through this TOGETHER! Ryan and I had to really think of the pros and cons of terminating vs keeping the baby. One night I had talked to my parents and aunt and they convinced me that I needed to think of myself and basically consider myself to be having a miscarriage. That was the worst night ever. I was sobbing for hours. I couldnt come to terms with that.

We did a ton of research and even saw other oncologists and talked to a lot of people to make our decision. I found this website called hopefortwo.org and they set me up with a support member. The whole website is dedicated to woman who have been pregnant with cancer. I also talked to a few local woman who were pregnant with cancer. Many girls I was put in contact with waited to have the baby first then started treatment. I grew close to Ashley and Crystal. I was introduced to Crystal from supportgroups.com. We were both on a hodgkin's lymphoma support board. Through talking with them and coming up with more and more research we were confident that we were making the right choice of keeping our baby. I asked my perinatologist to get together as many studies and cases he possibly could so I could read them. He was confident that my baby and I would get through this. He had printed out about 15 studies. He said there just isnt a lot of studies because up until recently most people would go for termination. I was happy with this 20 year study he printed for me. Woman who started treatment in their second trimester had a very good chance of survival along with their babies. The four chemos I would be getting each time were also more mild than others. It also helped to know people in real life with beautiful healthy babies. Once I had the information from my perinatologist, real life friends, and multiple doctors my family came around to me carrying the baby through treatment. I know they were just wanting me to take the best road possible for my own cure. At the time I just couldnt get peace with termination. I have never prayed so much in my life. I needed guidance and I felt like I got it.

We went in for an anatomy scan around 18 weeks and the baby looked amazing. Her fluid was great and she was growing ahead of schedule. They wanted to do precise measurements before I started treatment so they had a starting point of her growth. The tech asked us if we wanted to know what we were having. Of course! She said a girl! Haha. I guess my OB has originally seen her umbilical cord. Even though we wanted a boy and had a name picked out it was a blessing. We had kept everything from Olivia. All her clothes, socks, bottles, swing... everything!