My Dad came to watch Olivia while I had the placement procedure. I didnt look too much into it because my doctor said not to. He said it was a fairly simple procedure and I should be in and out in 45 minutes. We signed into radiology because they were going to have to use an x ray machine to take a couple pictures of the port after it was placed. We got there a little late but it was ok because they were running behind and very busy. We told the front desk lady that we would go in to the cafeteria. She said that was fine but that I shouldnt eat. Cool.. always telling me I cant eat. So my Dad, Olivia and I went to the cafeteria. They shared a grilled cheese and a fruit salad. It was fun to watch Olivia try to eat with a plastic fork. The nurse came in and said they were ready for us. We went through this back way into a pre op room. I must have looked confused because the nurse kept asking if I was ok. She gave me a gown to change into...
I was expecting to go into a room sort of like an ultrasound room. Get a shot, have them slip something in, get a few stitches and go. Boy was I wrong. What the hell were they going to do? The nurse brought this binder over and showed me the port and gave me some care information. She said I couldnt get it wet for 10 days or until it had noticeably healed. So no showers for me. She pulled out this long tube and the port and explained how they run it up your collar bone and into a main artery to your heart. Wow.. The nurse set me up to get an IV and I asked her what they had planned on giving me and asked if it was ok to have while pregnant. She called the dr and basically everything that they would have put in the IV wasnt going to be given to me.. They would normally give pain/loopy sedation medicine and antibiotics. I couldnt have that. They wheeled me into the OR and sandwiched me in between two lead drapes. I was freely talking to the nurses and techs. The Dr came in and he was a young asian man. He was very funny and had everyone laughing. He mentioned to me that this procedure was going to go very smoothly and he was going to take care of me. Since talking to the nurse I had known to expect more lidocaine.. so I just tried to think of happy thoughts. At this point I was all too familiar with deep lidocaine pain. I thought of my wedding day, Olivia's birthday and the future. The first shot went in and knocked the breath out of me. It really really sucked. The doctor talked me through this part and was very encouraging. He only had to do two shots but injected about 6 times. He made a small incision by my collar bone and a larger incision above my left breast. They had put a curtain up but I still saw him grab the wire and I felt it stick into me and go passed my throat and down my chest. They grabbed the port tube and shoved it in after.. too short. Grabbed a different size tube, shoved it down, too long, they trimmed it a bit and trimmed too much off.. cool! Pulled that tube out and he asked for the right size. I guess during this part they had a screen with an image of exactly where the port tube was hitting in my heart. Third time was the charm. Honestly I dont think I could of dealt with feeling the tubing go in one more time. It wasnt painful just uncomfortable. I felt the doctor start to stitch me up and I was relieved. The lidocaine started to wear off toward the end of him stitching. I told him I could feel the sting of the stitching and he said he just had a couple more. I just clenched my teeth and got through it. I kept thinking about how I would have never thought I could get through this torture. I could have never imagined having to deal with the physical and emotion pain of all of this... in such little time.
I was wheeled out instead of going to a post op area they basically put me in a wheel chair and had a volunteer wheel me out to the front where my Dad was waiting in my car. I sat in the car, Olivia was in the back seat, and I started bawling. I couldnt stay strong anymore. I had tried to keep my composure throughout the whole procedure. I texted Ryan and my Mom. I was telling my Dad about how I didnt expect it to be this big of a surgery... that it was just as big of a surgery as the biopsy but they treated it like it was an in and out procedure. I didnt understand it. Pain wise I would say the bone marrow biopsy was the worst but the port placement and biopsy were very similar. The tape and having a foreign object placed into your body felt like they had strapped a ten pound weight to my left collar bone. It was intense. They told me I could take tylenol for my discomfort. Umm.. ok I will get right on that. At that point I hadnt looked into the procedure and I was just so pissed with how everything went that I didnt bother looking into what they give normal patients for pain management. I went home to recover and couldnt move my neck well for a few days. I remember one night Olivia was crawling on me and she elbowed my port and I about died. It hurt really bad. Shit it still does if I hit it wrong or if she climbs on me wrong.
My port a couple days after placement.
My port a couple weeks later.
I was set up to talk to a nurse a few days before I started treatment. Ryan came with me and she talked about side effects from chemo and gave me a ton of papers to read. She said I could get constipation, diarrhea mouth sores, heart burn, ulcers, nausea, head aches.. All very joyful things. She said that I would get blood work done the day before each treatment to check my numbers to make sure I was healthy enough for treatment. I asked her when I should expect my hair to fall out. She told me two weeks after my first treatment. I started to cry. I didnt think it would be that soon. I was thinking in a couple months. Needless to say I bought a few scarves and one really nice synthetic wig. I thought I was prepared.
Through all this my Mom, Dad, mother in law and friends really stepped up to help. we had friends cooking us meals and family coming up to watch Olivia. I had so many appointments so quickly that it was amazing to see everyone rally around my family and help out.
A friend of mine from work started a meal train, moms from my mom group were sending cards and diapers and home made hats, my coworkers and friends were coming up with their own ways to raise money for us. From mid October I had been out of work. We only had one income to rely on. My Mom made sure to let me know that she would do whatever she needed to do to get us through this. I feel bad for having to accept that i would be needing to take that much money from my Mom. She just didnt want me to stress and I understand that now. The love a mother has for her children is unmeasurable. Its just an amazing thing. I pull a lot of strength from my Mom.
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